A yoga body
Recently, I auditioned to teach yoga at a boutique gym. I don’t want to give too much away about the identity of this gym, but it is namedropped in a certain Kanye West song *side-eyes emoji*. I knew going into the audition that, as a new instructor, it was a bit ambitious to try out. But I was eager to put myself out there and gain valuable experience.
I received a call several days later. The group fitness manager praised my teaching abilities and cues, even using the word “flawless” to describe my audition. “But,” she continued, “We do have some concerns. Are you open to feedback?”
After confirming that I’d love to hear the feedback, she went on to explain that after my audition, while she observed my personal yoga practice, she struggled with the way I looked while moving through another teacher’s 3-minute audition. “Our members have high standards,” she explained, “But we would love to bring you into our fold and offer you a mentorship to help you build more strength.”
I have been sitting with the icky feelings that came after this phone call for a few weeks. Since then, the world has gotten a bit darker, including the decision to overturn Roe v. Wade. In the pit of my stomach, I’ve felt that these two very different events were inextricably linked, although it has been difficult for me to encapsulate why.
Now I realize that my body has never belonged to me.
As a woman, like many women, I have spent most of my life hearing unsolicited feedback about my body — what’s right with it, what’s wrong with it, what I should do with it. We are expected to defy genetics to fit the mold of currently trending anatomy. This is what drives women to drastic measures like surgery or disordered eating.
It goes much deeper than looks, though. Societal norms demand us to be everything all at once. While parental responsibilities are now more shared than in the past, the majority of stay-at-home parents are still women. Societal pressures ask us to balance raising a family, maintaining friendships, keeping a home, and building a career, all while looking beautiful doing it.
How does any of this relate to my audition? When I was a kid, I dreaded the Presidental Fitness Test in gym class (talk about a throwback). Not for the mile run or even the pull-up challenge. What I hated was the sit and reach. So, as someone who spent most of her life not being able to touch her toes, it might be surprising that I turned to yoga. However, yoga practice is not about the physical expression of the shape; it is about the way it feels to be in your version of the pose.
My yoga practice might look different from the practice of the person on the mat next to me, but that doesn’t make either practice wrong or right. And, much like yoga, life is about finding the authentic version of yourself that brings you the most joy. Whether that’s being a kick-ass mother, traveling the world alone, choosing to focus on your career, or whatever it is that makes you feel truly excited by life. As women, we deserve to choose that for ourselves, not to have that decision made for us by men who are afraid of losing power. We deserve to be the version of us that fits our unique needs, beliefs, bodies, and lifestyles. There is no right or wrong here, only the freedom of choice or lack thereof.
Recent events have been discouraging, but it is important that we don’t stop fighting for the autonomy of our bodies and futures. You can donate to an abortion fund here.
