Why every time is really the first time
The first time we experience something in our lives, it is magical.
The first time we travel to a new place, for instance, we are fascinated by it. We approach our unfamiliar surroundings with a sense of curiosity. We explore.
But say we decide to go back to this very same place. Maybe this time we choose to bring a friend along with us. We’ll likely take them to our favorite coffee shop or show them the scenic overlook we discovered. But what happens if the coffee isn’t quite as good as we remember or the view is clouded by tourists this time of year?
The more we experience something, the more we unconsciously attach expectations to that experience. By expecting an outcome of any kind, the experience becomes mechanical instead of organic. And if it does not live up to our expectations, we inevitably become disappointed.
No matter how much we try to replicate something, we will never have the same experience more than once in our lives. Once we’ve experienced something, that experience is then behind us. While we may go back to the same place, it will never be exactly as it was. This is because with every second that passes, not only are we changing — but our environment and the people around us are changing, too.
Once we realize that we’ll never have this moment again, it becomes apparent why we need to be present in the existing moment. However, so many of us avoid being active participants in our lives without even realizing it.
We avoid life through two paths: indulgence and restriction.
These two actions might seem to oppose each other, but they are really one and the same. They are both about escaping what’s happening now and the feelings that live inside of us.
Indulgence is taking up too much space to avoid sitting with the present moment. We take more than we need because we subconsciously tell ourselves that once we have the next thing, we’ll feel better. And when the “better” feeling never comes, we continue to indulge. We can indulge in material possessions, substances, and even dreams that take us away from what is happening in front of us.
Sometimes, we’ll then restrict ourselves as a way of coping with this, without realizing that by doing so we are repeating the exact same pattern.
Restriction is removing ourselves from life experiences by taking up as little space as possible. When we withdraw from life, it’s often because we do not feel that we are deserving. For example, we might avoid seeing friends because we subconsciously feel that we are disliked or less than. We might not allow ourselves to eat certain foods, be vulnerable with others, or buy ourselves new clothing.
The only way to break this cycle is through awareness. Before taking action, we need to sit in stillness to ask ourselves why we do the things we do, and whether this is out of habit or intention. Do the choices we make align with who we want to be? Or are they simply patterns we’ve fallen into? Do we actually decide to do it or do we believe we must? Are we afraid of what will happen if we don’t?
Seeking awareness of the “why” behind our actions can be incredibly uncomfortable. Because consciousness forces us to come to terms with difficult emotions — the very same emotions that are the cause of our limiting patterns.
But this understanding will change our lives.
We cannot create a purposeful life if we are disconnected from ourselves. Creation from chaos simply creates more chaos. Take water, for example. When water moves without control, we experience natural disasters like floods or tidal waves. But too much containment becomes the absence of movement; and, without the ocean’s current, human life would cease to exist.
Nothing in life happens to us, life just happens. With every thought and every subtle action, we each shape our own future. If we continue to suffer repeatedly, we need to pause and ask ourselves what we are avoiding and how this avoidance is creating the reality we experience. We must find that nuanced place between indulgence and restriction by becoming as fascinated with the present moment as we are with the narratives we have created about our past and future.
There will never be another right now and the “you” reading this has changed, even from who you were this morning. Let every experience be magical and life will be too.
